Writing Practice:Satire

by Taya Taylor, Twelfth Grade

Ah, physical education—everyone's favorite school subject. The month of November is a particularly terrific time for PE because we get the wonderful opportunity to run in 48 degree temperatures. Everyone knows that exercise is good for you but exercising in the cold is especially excellent for calorie burning because of the minuscule motion of muscles that is known as 'shivering'. Some may complain about the cold, but cold is just a figment of their imagination. As we are told in our physical science textbooks, cold is really just a lack of heat, energy transferred due to temperature difference. You'd be shivering from heat, not cold, Silly. Some may argue that exposure to low temperatures can cause illness. If you clothe yourself properly in your Oak Hill Christian School PE Uniform Shirt ™ and Oak Hill Christian School PE Uniform Sweatpants ™, which are equipped with heating properties that will keep your body temperature stable at 37 degrees Celsius (98 degrees Fahrenheit), and wrap your entire body in hats, earmuffs, scarves, gloves, jackets, coats, socks, boots, and blankets—all labeled with the OHCS logo of course—then you'll be good to go! "Baby, it's cold outside." Only if you acknowledge it! 

If all else fails, you can simply hypnotize yourself so you believe it's 80 degrees outside instead of 48. Or grab your weird hypnotist neighbor, give him a wad of cash, since it's the only way you can get him to associate with humans, and you're all set. It may take a bit of effort, but, like we said before, PE is EVERYONE'S. FAVORITE. SUBJECT. So it'll all be worth it in the end. Happy running!

Print PDF